Stop Microsoft

All Things Microsoft => Microsoft Hardware => Topic started by: MrX on 25 June 2004, 00:00

Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: MrX on 25 June 2004, 00:00: In the topic i made called 'microshat mouse' i mentioned that i had gotten a replacement for my old mouse. well, i sure demolished it alright. its one of those stupid white, two button and a scroll generic mouse they sell new for $30 when its only worth $3. When windoze 98 kept on screwing up i smashed the mouse on the desk viciously until the mouse pointer struggled to move across the screen.
then i yanked it out and replaced it with the optical mouse. i gave myself a week 'cool down' time. then i commenced to pay back [microsoft] all the troubles it caused me. the mouse tail is about 4 freakin meters long (which gives you extra swing speed) . first i swung it around, in the air as high as it could go about 3 times. it hit the pavement hard. but hardly any damage. so i swung it and got it stuck in a big tree. about 3 days later (when it fell down) i thougt the torture wasnt over. with the scroll wheel jammed in and a right clicker crooked i started brainstorming. big hammer? huge ancor? baseball bat? huge ancor!

this is what you do. get some duck tape and totally cover it around the mouse with 4 layers. (this is so fragments wont get stuck in your legs and eyes, and at the end is less clean up) place the mouse on a cold, hard garage floor. then lift up the 60 pound ancor and let it go on the drop zone. boom! smash crack. do this about ten times, or until your fustration gets transfered from your body to the damn ground.

then unravel the duck tape(you may want to use a knife to cut it open) over a garbage can. evaluate the powdered remains. find the microsoft mouse ppga chip and spit on it.
then you're done! yay. now im not as fustrated. smashing always works.
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Fett101 on 25 June 2004, 10:33: I woulda gone with explosives.

Why did this require a new thread?
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Orethrius on 25 June 2004, 12:07: A little thermite is a wonderful thing. I also hear Drain-O is quite explosive. The reason why this required its own thread is because he didn't want to mention that the mouse had met its demise in the same thread where he posted for help with it. Wait, that's not a very good reason at all... (http://graemlins/displeased.gif)
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: mobrien_12 on 25 June 2004, 12:20: " find the microsoft mouse ppga chip and spit on it."

Why stop there... why not just urinate on the thing (http://smile.gif)
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Orethrius on 25 June 2004, 12:30: quote:
Originally posted by M. O'Brien:
" find the microsoft mouse ppga chip and spit on it."

Why stop there... why not just urinate on the thing (http://smile.gif)

I'd say set it ablaze, but I'm scared that might reactivate the original spell used by Microsoft to animate the dead.

Edit: ...and we all know how prolific Microsoft is when it comes to reviving things that should, by all defined logic, be long dead and gone by now.

[ June 25, 2004: Message edited by: Midnight Candidate ]
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Aaron Ni on 26 June 2004, 06:36: Just throw it in the garbage.

*mutters.*
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: skyman8081 on 26 June 2004, 07:49: I would never do that to my mouse.

although it IS a Wacom Tablet.....

:D
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Orethrius on 26 June 2004, 07:52: Don't you have a Wacom though?

Edit: Oh dammit. Read, process, THEN reply.

[ June 25, 2004: Message edited by: Midnight Candidate ]
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: skyman8081 on 26 June 2004, 07:54: yes, why would I EVER want to harm my Wacom?

Wacom > you
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Shiver on 28 June 2004, 13:44: I would have chosen a baseball bat. See how far you can make the mouse fly. (http://smile.gif)
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Orethrius on 28 June 2004, 14:28: quote:
Originally posted by Shiver:
I would have chosen a baseball bat. See how far you can make the mouse fly. (http://smile.gif)

Two words: skeet shooting.
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: KernelPanic on 28 June 2004, 14:48: It's dead

(http://www.u-n-f.com/misc/fun/deadmouse.jpg)
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Orethrius on 28 June 2004, 15:12: That image is only mildly disturbing. Actually, now that I take a good, close look at it, I have little doubt that what's shown in that picture is a predecesor to the IntelliMouse. The styling, the functionality, the inherent way it digs deeper and deeper into your hand flesh every time you use it... definitely something designed and manufactured by Microsoft.
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: MrX on 30 June 2004, 22:10: To Shiver:

I did actually hit it with the baseballbat very hard. it flew about 150m into the neighbours yard.
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: TheQuirk on 6 July 2004, 01:55: Am I the only one that thinks this was a retarded idea?
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Aloone_Jonez on 7 July 2004, 16:29: Yes where's your sense of hummer?

Anyway I've not tryed this with a Microshat Mouse, but it works well with Microcock Orifice, or Winbloze CDs.

Put your CD on top of an inverted paper cup, place in the Microwave on full power and watch the sparks fly, the light show will only last about 10 seconds or so, when it's finished take it out and observe the randomly etched pattern on the surface.

Technical stuff:
The magnetron in the microwave produces a high power 2.45GHz radio wave, consisting of both magnetic and electric fields. The magnetic fields induce a large current in the foil surface of the cd. The foil has a fair resistance so it heats up quickly and cracks, the voltage then sparks accross these cracks.

WARNING:
Don't sue me if you fuck your microwave up, I've tryed this with an old microwave with no negative after affects.

[ July 07, 2004: Message edited by: Aloone ]
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: Orethrius on 7 July 2004, 17:51: Oh come on Aloone, you know they make better frisbees and/or "super 1337 tech-n1nj4 throwing stars." :cool:
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: TB on 23 July 2004, 14:49: quote:
Originally posted by Midnight Candidate:

Two words: skeet shooting.

Third word: PULL!!!!!!!!
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: insomnia on 23 July 2004, 18:09: quote:
its one of those stupid white, two button and a scroll generic mouse

You mean an Intelli PS/2 Compatible?

Why did you kill it( the poor thing :( )?
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: cX_GX on 19 September 2004, 12:19: you know the ironic thing is that I got a MS optical 2button+wheel intellimouse and it is probably the only MS thing that actually works decently. don't install the driver CD, just get the pointers off it so you have extra large pointer if you desire and get a PS2 rate tweak for it. No MS software installed, so you get the best of both worlds. I'm not in any way bias to ms hardware. Xbox is a POS, keyboards are POS... ergo Keyboards POS... I just happened to like the mouse. *shruggs*
Title: How MrX killed his poor 3 button microsoft mouse.
Post by: wilko125 on 15 October 2004, 08:59: Mod Edit: Your post wasn't relevant to the thread. Therefore, I'm helping you save a little face by removing the offending non-content. Try to stay on topic. Thanks.

Edited at 0230 GMT, 10/17/2004. IPv4 203.14.54.11

[ October 15, 2004: Message edited by: wilko125 ]

[ October 16, 2004: Message edited by: Annorax, Lemming Pathfinder ]